Week Away

This was my first week back at work away from Josiah. I was not prepared for this...Monday morning came and I held him in my arms and bawled because I didn't want to leave him. In my mind I kept thinking "what if this is the last time I see him? What if something happens while I'm gone?" I had a dream the night before that someone left the gas running on the stove and the house exploded, so I made extra sure to warn my sister to keep an eye on the stove. I cried the whole way to work and fought back tears all day long. I have a very deep longing to be a stay at home mom and on the way to work I had the feeling "this is not how God intended it." I really wish our financial situation allowed me (and ALL MOMS) to stay home to take care of and guide their children. It seems strange to me that I am spending all day taking care of other people's kids while mine is at home being taken care of by someone else. It will be really weird when he comes to the daycare with me in January (although it will be nice to see him more often)!

Thankfully I made it through this week. I am so thankful to my family who are willing to step up and help us out with watching Josiah while I return to work since he can't come to the daycare until January. It's nice to know he is in good hands while I am away (even though I miss him terribly!).

What made this week even more difficult was the fact that Josiah was going through a growth spurt and I wasn't home to nurse him every hour and a half. He ate my entire stash of milk I had stored for daycare and on top of that I'm not producing enough to keep up with how much he wants to eat. I'm lucky that my boss allows me to pump 3 times throughout the day but even with all of that pumping I'm only getting enough for 2 1/2 bottles (I pump in a tiny laundry room and have to put a sign on the door so people don't walk in on me, which has happened a few times already. It's pretty awkward when your employees walk in on you using a breast pump-but thankfully they are all women!). Since Josiah ate my entire stash and I'm not making enough for him we had to do part breastmilk/part formula for a few days so I could try and catch up. He did not react well to the formula (we tried both Similac w/ Iron and Similac Sensitive) and it made him have some VERY SMELLY diapers. We were on our way to my parents house yesterday and Andrew and I looked at eachother at the exact same time and said "he pooped" because all of a sudden the car was overtaken by a horrid poo smell. To help solve this problem of lack of supply I am now taking Fenugreek supplements for a while to help me produce more so that he can be just a breastmilk baby. It's only been one day, but hopefully in the next few days I will start seeing an increase so I can keep up with my growing boy!