I'm overwhelmed...majorly. I took a week and a half off of work to spend with family, travel, and celebrate the holidays. Now I am back to work and life feels like it's falling apart. I'm sure one reason is because I haven't been in the Word like I should be, praying daily, or even being joyful and happy with the blessings God has given me. I can't even find time to really rest, whether that's at night or during the day.
My body really hurts this week. I've cleaned every day this week and the only day I have off is Friday (I'm even cleaning Saturday morning!). It's hard to pick up my son. It hurts to bend over. I go to sleep sore and wake up aching, even after multiple massages given by my Hubby. I am also trying to stay on top of everything at home. Laundry. Dishes. Clutter. Mail. My home business. Errands. Meals. Everything that involves Bubby. And I am trying really hard to get my home organized. It's very exhausting. It seems that the only thing I want to do anymore is sleep, eat and watch TV. I haven't had a good night sleep yet this week. Last night I was up all night with Bubby because I think he's teething. I ended up putting him in our bed and was squished to one side (and I also dreamed I was riding on a bus and sharing a seat with 3 people, probably because I was having to share my side of the bed). So right now all I want is some order in life, to be able to sleep a restful night, not have to rely on caffeine to get me through the day, and boy am I looking forward to my day off tomorrow. I get to go to the chiropractor which will hopefully put my body back in place and give me a boost of energy.
More and more I find myself saying "if only I was a full-time stay at home mom I wouldn't have this problem." I wouldn't have constant back pain, my hips would actually stay in place, I wouldn't have a counter full of dirty dishes, my house would be organized and stay organized, I would have time to plan meals and run errands, and I would be able to manage my business so much better. But then I have to remind myself that not all mom's have it perfect. Not all full-time stay at home mom's have their life in complete order either, and that's OKAY! I must repeat to myself "you cannot do it all and that's just fine," and "take a break, don't worry about the dishes," etc. I also just need to focus on God.
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
I don't have to figure life out right now, because He does it for me.
I don't have to carry lots of baggage and tear myself apart, because He loves me for who I am.
I don't have to do everything at once, because He tells me to take it slow and He will take care of the rest.
So all of you Moms, find time to rest. It's what you need, probably just as much or even more than I do. God wants to fill you up with love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. I know I need it!
This was a big lesson I have had to learn being at home - I can't do it all. I become cranky, tired, and not a good wife or mother. Every one suffers when my house is sparkling clean and everything is in perfect order all the time. AND life is no fun.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you and praying you will be able to stay home full-time! And remember that sometimes it takes a leap of faith (look at Garrett and I, I am still not sure how it has all worked out but it has and only because of the faithfulness of God).